One of the subjects I came across when planning my blog posts for December and January was the question “What gift are you giving yourself this year?” That’s a complicated question. I mean, I could simply look at my goals for 2017 and say my gift to myself will be creativity. Or my gift to myself will be losing weight. Any of the things on that list would suffice. But it is a more complex thing that I’d like to gift myself this year.
What I want is the gift of peace.
Truth be told, I am a very anxious person. I am on a significant amount of medication just to deal with that. While the medication generally works, anxiety still gets to me about particular situations. On top of that, I have a hard time dealing with loneliness. Don’t get me wrong, I love being alone most of the time. I am a very strong introvert that way. But when loneliness does hit me it often cripples me emotionally. I don’t want to have another evening like NYE. I want to be able to be peaceful even when I don’t choose to be alone. To find peace when my anxiety is flaring up.
I suppose you could change peace for contentment. Ultimately it’s the same result. I want to be happy regardless of whether I have anyone to hang out with at any given moment. Regardless of whether I choose to be alone or not. I want to reclaim my zen!
And it should be noted that this is not a plea for more social invitations from friends. Not at all. It is simply a self-reflection and I’m trying my best to be honest about it.
Tonight there is a 12-course dinner and beer pairing hosted by Dominion City Brewery that I really wanted to go to. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me (which, to be fair, it is a rather expensive dinner). So as part of the “dealing with loneliness and anxiety” gift, I decided to go alone. I am decidedly more anxious about the food than the going alone part (I am going to be eating squab people!). This is a good first step for me. To find that peace, regardless of the circumstances.
What gift are you giving yourself this year? Tell me about it in the comments and you’ll be entered to win a $50 Chapters gift card!