Intention

I was recently reading the grief and coping post-election thread on Metatalk and a user was talking about downsizing their suburban life and using more of their energy to do good.  They wanted to live with intention.

I know it sounds corny on the surface, but it really got me thinking about my own life and how I can do better for myself, if not for others.

But what the hell does it mean to “live with intention”? It means to mindfully choose how  you live each day, rather than sitting by and letting things happen to you, or at you.  I’m never quite clear at the beginning of my day where I want it to go.  Frankly, it’s good if I manage to get out of bed on time.

Barring my horrid sleep issues, do I live my life with intent? Am I happy with how I am interacting with the world? Not really, if I’m to be honest. Ideally, I’d get up every day and do some morning pages, get a bit of stretching in and determine where I want my day to go.

But again with the getting out of bed issue.  Sigh.

But the first step is to look at my dreams.  What do I wish for more than anything? And the sad part is, I really have no big dreams.  I have desires, but I imagine that is not the same thing at all.

I also want to examine my values.  I mean, I know what my values are in the moment I need to express them. But I’ve never really sat down and thought about what I wish to see in the world. I know I’m pro-choice, pro-trans rights, pro-anything LGBTQ really. I know that as I get older my identity as a person with a disability contributes to how I see accessibility, etc.

I know those things about myself inherently, but there’s nothing wrong with a little introspection every now and again.

Living with intent doesn’t always have to mean quitting your desk job and going to live off-grid in the woods.  That’s not everyone’s dream. But I know I’d like to be more successful in my career and there are things I can do to help that if I’m living a life that is mindful.

I’m not sure what this means for me in the future, to be honest.  Maybe it will mean a huge change, maybe it will be a bunch of smaller ones. But I know this, I want to happen to my life, not have my life happen to me.

In the Margins

So I recently (as in half an hour ago) discovered the website The Establishment. And now my mind is blown.  How did I not know this site existed? I may never leave it and lurk there forever.

What’s so great about this website, you ask?

The Establishment is “a multimedia company run and funded by women that’s predicated on a simple, yet radical notion: the world is a better, more interesting place when everyone has a voice.”

This shouldn’t seem so radical, but it is.  The Establishment has on their front page right now articles about

And that’s just the short list.  There’s even a specific section for arts and creators.  I am fully blissed out. The Establishment focuses on the margins of society and I love it to bits.

It’s funny because I often walk the line of marginality (is that a word?) and the cultural “norm”. I am white appearing, upper-middle class, employed and those are all privileged positions.

But I am also a woman, a person with a disability, queer, and mixed race.  I am the very definition of a marginalized voice.

But I often struggle to find that voice.  Even though I am all these things I am certainly not unique.  I often allow other writers to be my voice about these things, which is a shame really.  As a writer, I feel I should be mining the feelings evoked by being all these things.

And let me tell you, there are some serious feelings.

I feel like I could write a book just about being me, but I struggle with where to start.  Is this blog representative of who I am? My marginalized voice? Probably not.  Do I want it to be? Most certainly.

So maybe it’s not about finding my voice but more about having something to say. It scares me to think that maybe I don’t have anything to add to the current discourse.  It worries about my fictional work, too.  How can I be a writer without something to say?

Maybe I just haven’t found the right topic yet. Lord knows I’m certainly full of opinions.