Loss

My family tree has always been complicated.  There are branches and off shoots and first marriages and second marriages.  Siblings, half-siblings, pseudo siblings.

Technically, for example, none of my siblings are full siblings.  Three of my siblings I grew up with, we have the same mother.  My other half-sister, Joy, has the same father of me.  We didn’t grow up together, although there was a period of time she lived at my dad’s and I saw her every weekend.  I saw her fairly regularly around town until I was in my later years of high school.

And last night I found out that she had passed away.

I hadn’t seen her in almost 20 years, but she was still my sister.

Joy had a terrible life.  Bad things happened to her that never should have happened.  There’s a sad story there that I know so many people around her wish had never happened.  And the fact of the matter is, things didn’t get any better for her as an adult.  I am not entirely surprised that this has happened.

It feels weird.  I’m not sad in the way that I’m sure people expect.  But I feel the loss, as much as Joy and I were not close, she was a tie to my Dad and his side of the family.  Another person who shared my last name.  The only other person who understood what it was like to have him for a father.  The person I’d have to tell when the day came that Dad passed.  As far apart as we were in life, we shared a history.

And now she’s gone and it feels like a piece of me is gone too.

I hope Joy has found the peace she has never had in life.  But I do feel like the world is a lonelier place for me now.

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