For Good

[Since the time this post was published the singer of the songs my ex ripped off has made all her videos of cover songs private.  That means that every video I’ve embedded here no longer works.  I could edit to remove them, but I think that changes what the post was originally meant to be, so I left them in. – A]


I don’t talk about this much, or when I do I mock the whole experience.

I’m tough, you know.  I’ve moved on.  It’s her that’s the problem.  I’m so relieved.

But.  But I’m still reeling 2.5 years later.  The fallout of “dating” a Borderline Personality Disorder person.  That’s my diagnosis.  Hers was “Manic Depression”. Insisting that “Bipolar Disorder” was a different thing, no matter what I knew science and google said.

I wasn’t a good partner to begin with.  So in love with Jaee’s fiction.  Wanting to believe her excuses. I sent her a birthday package that she said she couldn’t open – it reminded her of how alone she really was on her birthday.  Didn’t matter that I spent $38 to get it there.  Never opened it or thanked me in our time together.  So she said.  LIES.

When I bought a plane ticket to visit her over New Years, she suddenly couldn’t communicate. Not even over text. Not once in 3 weeks.  Didn’t reply to my “Merry Christmas” text.  A better person would have walked away long before this, found a new place to stay, visited Newfoundland and written it off.

Not me.  Of course not.

So she got a hold of me the day before my arrival and I acted like the previous three weeks of silence were nothing.  Then my christmas presents were “delayed” because of the storm and they had somehow been misdirected.  Of course.

I pushed away the fact that it seemed clear she hadn’t bought me a gift when she spent over $100 on me during my visit. We held hands during Cohenfest. We had sex. I thought things were ok (or I wanted them to be).

Valentine’s day.  I opened her gift too early, fault of my own, and she didn’t speak to me for 3 days.  Told me she might never love me again. I wanted to die.  I thought i had lost the love of my life.

I was supposed to visit her over the long weekend of Canada Day. She misunderstood my itinerary and flipped out when she found out I’d land 6 hours later than she thought.  Told me all Canada Day activities in St John’s (a provincial capital) would be over by 10:30 a.m.  Said she’d revoke her whole weekend off because I was 6 hours late.  I snapped.  Broke up with her. This was too much shit.  I was done.

She changed her phone number immediately.  I regretted it at first.  Her mind games had fucked with me.  Maybe I hadn’t loved her enough.  I sent a birthday card to her work.  Mistake.  I was destroyed by her.

And then it got worse.

This woman, who had masterfully torn me down yet made me think it was love, well, she was a singer. I remember the day she sent me a recording of her singing.  It was August, 2 months before we started dating.  My love for her was strengthened by her voice.

I hadn’t asked for these recordings.  Had no idea she sang.  It was a gift and I was more in love than ever.  Jaee would send me these occasional recordings thereafter, during our “relationship”.  She’d tell me she sang at open mics in St John’s.

I told her my deepest darkest secret, and she sent me a recording of her singing a Coldplay cover of “green eyes”. The colour of my eyes.

After we broke up I went on Youtube looking for a song that was “ours”.  Here We Are by Storm Large.

I stumbled upon a cover and hit Play.  Within the first notes I recognized Jaee’s singing to me.  But it was by this girl named Janet Carey.  I explored the rest of Janet’s list, and sure enough, every song that Jaee “sang”, including Green Eyes, was there originally sang by Janet Carey.

It was a huge, emotionally devastating lie.  I called her on it and got an email from Jaee’s girlfriend to stop spreading lies about Jaee.  That’s where it ended.

I’m angry, hurt and untrusting.  I want to warn everyone around Jaee. Shes a liar.

The worst part is, I shouldn’t care. Should move on.  But she ripped me down, destroyed me and is untouchable.  I’m sure she feels stoked by that.

5 thoughts on “For Good”

  1. I had a similar experience, but with a friend. And she wasn’t diagnosed with any disorders as far as I know. She was just a twisted, horrible psychopath who left me a broken wreck for her own amusement (as far as I can tell).
    Friends are my family. I don’t have many, I don’t particularly care to. I have good friends. Friends I love deeply and would do anything for. She wormed her way in and, for a while, was my only friend in the world.
    Then, for a reason I cannot understand to this day, she turned vicious. I was such a wreck by the time she had finished playing her horrible emotional and psychological games, such a shadow of a person after she was through with me that I fled the country for a month.
    It’s now almost four years later and, while I can now function like a normal human being, every so often I still get angry or spend the evening crying.
    It will always hurt, I think.
    I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s awful. I hope you can recover. Your friends will be there for you.

  2. I stumbled upon this while Googling Jaee tonight. She claimed to be a good singer and a dancer, but I never saw or heard proof of this. I stopped trying to trust her when she told a story about knowing someone who died in the 9/11 attacks.

    I agree on BPD.

    1. Geez, knowing someone who died in the 9/11 attacks is a new low for Jaee. Thanks for commenting, it’s good to hear other peoples experiences with her.

      1. The 9/11 story was pure BS on so many levels, and definitely low.

        I found that she poured a lot of money into elaborate gifts, so much that I couldn’t possibly reciprocate in the same style.

        Jaee poured buckets of hate on pretty much anyone on Canadian Idol or So You Think You Can Dance? She seemed really bitter that those people were being lauded on TV and she wasn’t. She would never vocalize that she was jealous; she went on the attack.

        When I read your post, I was “Of COURSE she passed someone’s singing off as hers”.

        To be fair, we had a lot of fun together. It was the vague references to heart problems and small kidneys that were red flags that were hard to ignore. And then the lie about 9/11 was the point where I had to admit that something was seriously wrong with her and I needed some distance. I was done with the million ways she sabotaged herself and I detest being deceived.

        I’m sorry that you also got caught up in her drama. She can be really engaging and a lot of fun to be with; it’s understandable that you wanted to believe and trust in her. For your sake, I hope that you’ve moved on.

        1. I’ve definitely been able to move on, thankfully. It took me quite a while though, that girl screwed with my head pretty badly. Now I can thankfully say all is well and back to normal as it was before she came into my life. I do occasionally wonder about her, but that’s more out of a sense of morbid curiousity.

          I’m glad to hear that you were able to see through her BS and get some distance too!

Leave a Reply