[Image created by lekkyjustdoit and distrubuted by freedigitalphotos.net]
A friend of mine asked a question recently, about when was the last time we genuinely felt good about ourselves. There were a variety of answers, some good, some sad, but what struck me the most was my ability to say “almost all of the time” and have it be true.
That was not always the case. When I was younger I lived through years of bullying that really had an impact on my self-esteem. I was geeky and shy and had Cerebral Palsy, all things that made me an easy target for that kind of thing. I used to really think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have many friends.
This even persisted into my 20s and affected my dating life and other relationships. I would punish myself for things that went wrong, even if they weren’t my fault. I would try to stand up for myself and find that I had no one who had my back. It was really, really tough.
I’m not sure when everything changed. It must have happened slowly. Maybe it’s because I’m now in my 30s and no longer care to spend the energy berating myself. Maybe it’s because I came to realize that even when I make mistakes, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad *person*.
Ultimately, for me, what it comes down to is: am I going to care about X Thing on my deathbed? I doubt I’ll care about sleeping all day yesterday. But I might care that I was slightly overweight, which is why I’m trying to change that. But even then, being overweight doesn’t make me a bad person.
Thus, I feel good about myself the vast majority of the time. Do I have flaws? Oh hell yes! But dwelling on them doesn’t do anyone any good. It’s all about perspective, and for me, what I’m going to regret at the end of my days. I want a short list.
Hopefully no list.