Dear 58 year old Me

Dear future April:

This is a weird letter to write because we don’t know what happens to you – us – in the next 20 years or so. But we have a bunch of wishes that we’re hoping come true, so maybe we’ll just talk about that.

You should be retired by now, or at least I hope you are.  Last I checked we’d be 56 when we could go, and man are we ever looking forward to that! We’re the type that works to live, not lives to work, that’s for sure. And we’ve been looking forward to getting out of the government game for some time. So what will you do now? Hopefully you’ll go work in a bookstore like you always wanted to.

I hope you have a partner by now.  I don’t like to think about us being retired and lonely.  By this point your pets will be long gone (just thinking about saying goodbye to Bug is making my chest hurt) and while you may have new ones, they are no replacement for human affection. I really hope we’ve found someone who will love us and treat us well. We’ve been waiting a long time, after all.

I hope you are still writing, even if we’ve never published anything writing has always been a part of us.  It’s who we are at our very core. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope we’ve published though.  It doesn’t have to be a huge thing, maybe just some short stories in magazines or whathaveyou. It would be nice to have that, but in order to do so you have to actually write, so please keep going.

I hope you are still making art in other ways, too.  I hope you’re still drawing and painting, even though we really suck at it. Art is always a good thing, and practice never hurts. Maybe by the time you read this we’ll have gotten better – stranger things could happen.

I hope we’re healthy.  I hope we’ve lost the weight we wanted to lose, and that we haven’t become a victim of our own body.  Cerebral Palsy isn’t an easy thing to cope with now at 38.  I can only hope it’s not worse in twenty years.  I hope we’ve done what we could to prevent getting any worse.

Generally I just hope we’re happy.  I really hope we’re not lonely. I worry about our future and where the years will take us, and I hope that something changes. There are lots of things we’re not so happy about right now, and I can only hope that things get better.

Keep fighting the good fight.


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