Sometimes I have a hard time writing.
That’s hardly a revelation to anyone I’m sure. We all get writer’s block. Or at least most of us do. However, I seem to be plagued with it these. Or maybe it’s just that I can’t focus on more than one thing at a time. Since I began focusing on painting my desire to write has become weak. I still WANT to want to write, if that makes any sense. There’s my story 17 waiting for me. And I actually care about those characters (unlike Thana in Abdication of the Fourth).
Perhaps it’s the daunting task of trying to write an actual novel that’s getting me down. Painting is nice in that you have a finished product relatively quickly. It feeds my need for instant gratification. Writing is much harder in that it can take years to really see the final version of a novel. And maybe I’m just not cut out to write novels. Maybe, in the end, short stories are more my speed. That’s ok. It’s just that there’s not as much of a market for short stories these days.
There are places out there. And I could publish a collection. I certainly have the diverse POC everyone seems to be looking for these days (queer, mixed-race, disabled woman checking in!). I don’t know how to harness that, however. These are just such fundamental aspects of myself that to write about them feels….weird. It would be like writing a dramatic piece on having brown hair. Which maybe isn’t such a bad thing in and of itself.
It’s like the trouble I always had at therapy. I couldn’t just talk. I needed my therapist to ask questions to prompt me. Similarly, if I want to write from my varied perspectives, I need someone to ask “How do you feel about Blah?” or “What’s it like to be blah, and blah while blahing?” I don’t know what those questions are or I would ask them of myself and get writing.
Not that everything I do has it be about my “diverse POV”. In fact, the less I focus on that, the better. I just need to focus, period. Accept that maybe Abdication and Seventeen are better off as short stories than as novels. Accept that maybe I don’t have the attention span to write 100,000 words. That’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with writing short stories.
Hey, Neil Gaiman does it all the time!