Where I Am Now

So I’ve got to get a tooth replaced by an implant, which is really going to suck.  Not just because any dental work genuinely sucks (and boy does it), but this stupid implant is going to run me about $4000 in the end, and I am not pleased about that.  I’ll have to save up for most of it over a few months, and that’s fine because it’s a series of appointments.  But it’s $4000!! That’s a really nice trip to Europe guys! I’m so not impressed with myself for getting into this situation in the first place.

In other news, I’ve set myself a lifestyle plan that I think I can actually stick to.  I need to lose a pound a week.  This is a fact.  I am overweight and something needs to be done about it.  I’ve said this multiple times, but I feel different this time.  Something inside me is actually motivated to do this.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve set a reasonable goal, or because I set it long term.  You see I want to lose 50 pounds.  That’s right, that many pounds to lose. I’ve given myself a goal date of labour day 2017.  So basically a pound a week for a year.  That is totally do-able if I can just stick to watching what I eat, and moderately exercising.  The key diet change will be via weight watchers and their points tracking system.  The exercise will be via Beachbody and the YMCA. I can do this.  I have to do this. Besides, with the $4K tooth coming, I won’t be able to eat out anyway.

Can-Con is coming up soon, which I am very excited about.  I hope it gets the ideas and words flowing.  But I also signed up for a 10-week creative writing workshop via OttawaU’s continuing education courses.  I’m incredibly excited and totally nervous about this.  For all that I have been writing my entire life, I have never workshopped or talked about my work with anyone other than close friends and family.  This will definitely be a change and a challenge for me. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

I’ve been having ups and downs lately.  Most days are ok, and mostly things in my life are fine.  But then there come those days where I am inexplicably down.  I miss my mom.  She has left a huge hole in my life.  I live alone, so if I wanted to talk to someone about my day I always called my mom.  Now there’s not really anyone to fill that role for me and I have to accept that things are different now, that my life has changed. It’s becoming easier to accept, though it does still make me sad.

Soon we’ll be September.  Damn summer went by fast.

Can-Con 2016!!

So in about three weeks the awesomeness that is Can-Con will be here in Ottawa once again. And once again it’s downtown so I can actually go. I have bought my tickets and am armed with my notebook and ready. These are the panels I’m interested in:
Nothing jumps out at me for Friday, so on to Saturday we go.

Saturday

How to Build an Amazing Reading List from the Juried Awards
Different Ways to Pitch a Novel to a Publisher or Agent
Getting Your Work Noticed
Our Monsters are Us
Rewriting Fairy Tales
Beyond the Coming Out Story – New Queer Narratives in Speculative Fiction
Want to Dominate the World, but Don’t Have a Writers’ Group?
Writing a Novel in 30 Days (workshop)
Making Literature Out of Spam emails
Witchcraft, Druids, and the Occult

Sunday

40 Creative Choices that Drive Away Audiences
Bodies of Difference: Disability in Spec Fic
Emerging Issues in Publishing Contracts
Same Old Story
Guest of Honour Tanya Huff and Special Guest Charles de Lint talk about fantasy and writing

So that’s quite the lineup. We’ll see if I make it to all of them. I may end up down in the hotel bar because I love the Albion Rooms very very much. But I love this convention as well. There’s so much to learn about writing and I want to soak it all up like a sponge.

And then hopefully fucking write something because this dry spell is bad.

Dear Imagination:

Hey! How are you? Gods it’s been a long time since we talked last. I fear we may have been neglecting each other. You see, it’s awkward for me to say this, but I’ve missed you. It feels like it’s been years since I saw you last. Hell, maybe it has been, I can’t keep track anymore.

Where have you been? What have you been up to? Because you certainly haven’t been hanging out with me that much I do know. I feel bereft, my old friend. We used to be so close, especially when we were kids, and now I reach out to you and get nothing in return.

Is there a way I can work on winning you back? I’ve tried many things already, meditation, writing prompts, typing out other people’s stories, reading encyclopedias of mythology, anything I can do to get myself an idea of what to write about, because I desperately want to write, my friend. Desperately.

It’s what I’ve done since I could pick up a pen. I have always written. It’s the only thing I’ve really got going for me. I have no other discernable talent, we both know that. And writing, when I’m really into it, is my best friend when I am friendless. There’s been plenty of times I’ve needed writing to fill that hole in my life, and you were there.

But now I just stare at the screen with no ideas and you’re nowhere to be found. I cannot think of a single interesting idea to save my life. Ok, I had one idea. The girl who is destined to become the next Grim Reaper. I thought it was a neat idea, kind of like Buffy meets Death Takes a Holiday. But as I was writing it I realized it was crap. Craaaaaaaaap. Not the idea itself, that was kind of cool. I mean, what WOULD happen if suddenly people stopped dying? But my writing was complete and utter shit and thus so was the story. I just couldn’t get into it. I’ve had fanfic that I’ve written that I was more passionate about.

I guess I just miss you, Imagination. I need you in order to be able to write. Please come back to me?

July

So how was your July?  Sorry I’ve been so quiet.  There hasn’t been a lot to say that hasn’t already been said.  I miss my mom, but there are only so many times you can blog about that before your readers tire of it.  Or so I imagine.

I spent the month of July doing absolutely nothing, and it was glorious.  Ok, so I don’t totally do nothing. I went to visit family in Barrie for a week, which was nice, though it had its tougher moments.  Mom’s apartment finally got cleaned out, which was inevitable.  It wasn’t as hard as I imagined it would be going through her actual things.  It was more the emptiness when we were done that struck me.  It meant that she was really gone.  Not just bodily gone, but now all her things were gone too (to my siblings and I, goodwill, etc).  It’s just so sad that in so little time it’s like a life has been erased.

The rest of my three weeks off were quieter. One week I was sick, which sucked.  The week after I got back from Barrie was pretty quiet.  I got my memorial tattoo on the 26th. I love it very much.  It’s up there ^^^^^^^. The shamrock is because my mother was Irish and because we went to Ireland together.  The inside is made up of her fingerprint. My brother and my sister both got fingerprint tattoos as well.

And I spent the last weekend of the month in Niagara-on-the-lake with a short stop in Niagara Falls.  Saw “A Woman of No Importance” by Oscar Wilde, went on some wine tours, got to hang out with an old high school friend, and see the falls.  Not to mention all the excellent food provided by our hosts at the bed and breakfast.  SO good!

And now I’m back at work and living in reality again.  Here’s to that, and the rest of the summer.