Pretty, Able-bodied, Straight, financially privileged, snobs:

If you think this post is about you, it probably is. How’s that for a change?

I am a single, 35 year old, disabled, aboriginal, queer woman. I joke that I am my own parade. I’ve recently discovered how unfunny that joke is. Let’s take this one by one, shall we?

Single 35 year old woman

Straight out the gate I will admit that this one is not that unusual. A single 35 year old woman is even common in my circle of acquaintances. But you know what I’m grateful for? That I don’t want kids. Because I see my late 30s, single, female friends who want children and don’t have a partner. They are running out of time. But they are doing what they want anyway, and gods I applaud them.

Disabled

I have Cerebral Palsy. I make that fairly well known. I am not ashamed, I’m fucking pissed off. Once again, I am not the severe CP person, I am not fucking Frederic Bilodeau who is so inspiring by existing. I am just April, with the not really believable disability, who is not an inspiration but a liability. I’m god damned invisible. My life is just as fucking hard as Frederic’s, and if you don’t think so, you’re blind.

Aboriginal

I was never ashamed to be aboriginal. My white family encouraged me more than any aboriginal group could. I learned that upon moving to Ottawa. I didn’t grow up on a reserve; half my family was white. We had different mothers and fathers and I was left out of my sister’s obituary like I never existed. My aboriginal father spent 50 years as an alcoholic, at least 20 as a wife beater and then 10 as the “homeless native guy begging for change outside the bank”. My white family always loved, encouraged and accepted my culture, which is more than I can say of any first nations person I have met.

I am Irish, Italian, French Canadian and Ojibwa. I’ve travelled to Ireland, Italy, French Canada and the Ojibwa territory. Guess who accepts me as one of them without question? In order: Ireland, Italy, French Canada, Native Canadians. Yeah? Well fuck you too.

I am a queer woman. I’m queer, middle aged, crippled, alone. Which leads me to…. Pretty, White, Straight, Able-bodied Girls Who Are Against Bullying. You got bullied. I’m sure you did. For – oh NO – being the not as rich, not as pretty, smart girl. They hated you because they were jealous, of course. But you were a snobby condescending bitch and you don’t see that because you’re the biggest victim of bullying ever! You’re still a snobby, condescending bitch. Even if you don’t think you are, you are. I want to punch you in the throat.

And if after this you’re all offended, go watch this:

February Check-in

So I told myself at the beginning of the year that I would do a monthly check-in on all the goals I set for myself in 2014.  So this is the first check-in, and I imagine that it’s gonna be a bit of a wake up call, lol.

1. Write more. At least 500 words a day. (or 3500/week, or 15,000/month).

Sadly I have failed rather miserably at this. I have not written 500 words a day.  Not even close.  I get so tired and rarely have the energy.  Plus I think I may have fallen out of love with my story.  I’ve got to get it back. I have written.  I am writing for the Capital Geek Girls blog, and submitted a piece on Winter Reads: Classics to Catch Up On.

Additionally,though it hasn’t started yet, I have another writing gig lined up.  The Shenkman Arts Centre is a local venue that hosts all sorts of arts-related events. They happened to be looking for someone to write reviews of some of their shows, and I indicated my interest.  I’ve been lucky enough to be chosen to do it, so that’s more practice, and the reviews will be posted on the very popular local blog Apartment 613.  The first show to review is next week, so stay tuned for my review!

Plus, of course, my piece for Geez Magazine.  It’s closer to publication! I saw a PDF of the print layout, which is very exciting.

Despite all that, I’m still not reaching that 500 words/day goal.  So it’s possible I need to adjust that number yet even lower.  Or try harder.

2. Take more photos. At least one active shoot a month.

I achieved this one for January! I took a photo shoot of my friend’s costume portfolio and I have to say that I was quite pleased with how they turned out.

3. Exercise at least 4 times a week (2 “traditional” + yoga and/or swimming)

Oh man, no.  So bad.  The fatigue and laziness that plague my writing goal definitely hit me here.  I managed a few times, but nowhere near 4 times a week.  Personal training starts up again this week, so hopefully that will help get me moving.

4. Read more. One book a month.

I thought I had achieved this by finishing Lean in by Sheryl Sandberg in January, but it turns out I finished it December 29th, so that’s a fail.  I have already started on my book for February: An Atlas of Impossible Longing, so hopefully this month will be more of a success.

5. Work on self-promotion, but with a focused approach. Learn at least one new medium thereof.

I consider this one a success, given my new gig blogging for Shenkman. To me, that’s a good source of self-promotion. So far, so good.

6. Focus more at work.

Fail.  So much fail.  In fact, I forgot this was even on the list.  Oops.

7. Empty and fill the dishwasher within 24 hours. Seriously.

Sigh.  No.  And this is so easy!

8. Vacuum once a week.

50% of goal here.  Need to get better, but not completely failing…

9. Find one more crafty thing like arm knitting that I can actually *do*

Well I haven’t done this yet, but there’s still lots of time.  Plus I’ve made a few new scarves.  Sold one even!

10. Any day it is above -5 spend at least half an hour walking outside.

This has been a great success.  Mostly because it hasn’t been above -5 very often!!

11. Save & attend the photography workshop in Lake Louise.

Still lots of time, but I put together a budget so I’m on track!

12. Check in on this list once a month.

Done!

Stay tuned.  Hopefully next month will be better!