Fight or Flight

Sometimes I hit this feeling of restlessness and boredom that makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. It’s not loneliness, per se. It’s not even solely an emotional thing because there is a definite physical sensation that seems to make it 1000 times worse than regular old boredom. It’s not even really anger, it’s a feeling of being tightly wound, like a coiled spring.

[As an aside, I tried to google “want to punch” to determine if there was a name for this feeling. I am now very disturbed that the second ‘suggestion’ by google was “want to punch a baby”. What the hell people?!]

I suppose it’s some sort of physiological arousal like adrenaline or the fight or flight response. It came over me yesterday and it was incredibly annoying. I tried to exercise it away but that didn’t work. I went swimming, moved a lot of furniture in an effort to get my foster cat out of hiding, went for a walk to chapters. Nothing worked.
I did realize while I was at chapters that this mood is the one that precedes all my significantly large impulse purchases (you’re welcome, Apple). I get ramped up, nothing seems to fix it so I buy something ridiculous to focus my energy on. (Un)Fortunately I have reached the point where there are no shiny tech gadgets to impulse buy that I don’t already have. Which is a sad statement on so many levels.

I should try yoga or something when these moods hit. It would be easier on my bank account.

It’s Good to Have Goals

2014-bullseye

 

It’s good to have goals.  Or so I’ve heard.  I make a list of goals every year, sometimes internally, sometimes externally.  Usually there are the same items on the list: Write more. Read more. Lose weight. Get a girlfriend.  Ok I almost never say that last one but it’s always lurking in the background.

This year I wanted to make an actual list.  Some of the same items are still there, mostly because I will always want to read more and write more.  But I like having goals.  It gives me something to aim at.  That’s why you’ll notice that these goals are very specific.  They all have numerical or tangible measures attached.  “More” is insufficient.  It does not give me an indicator of success.  I’m a government employee!  I need performance measures, damn it!

So, without further ado (yes, I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seat), here is my list of goals for 2014.

1. Write more. At least 500 words a day. (or 3500/week, or 15,000/month). I consider myself a writer.  I’m starting to contribute to both digital and print publications.  I am having the tiniest measure of success.  I cannot sustain it if I do not write!  I am terribly talented at procrastinating and avoiding it.  So 500 words a day, using the Don’t Break The Chain method.  Failing that, 3500 words a week will do.

2. Take more photos. At least one active shoot a month. This is shockingly hard for me to do, even now when I participate in a monthly challenge/learning event for photography.  That I pay for.  My laziness knows no bounds.  I need to get out there and practice.  No one needs me to keep submitting photos of my dog.

3. Exercise at least 4 times a week (2 “traditional” + yoga and/or swimming) Half of this is already in the bag until June because I see a personal trainer twice a week.  Now I need to add more.  Yoga because I really need the stretching and flexibility work, and swimming because it’s super convenient and burns a lot of calories.

4. Read more. One book a month. Ah, the standard yearly goal.  But it’s a good one. Reading more is good.  My book club usually populates a decent 5-6 books a year but I’d like to have an even 12.

5. Work on self-promotion, but with a focused approach. Learn at least one new medium thereof. If I want to continue having my tiny measure of success in writing I have to market myself.  I already have my website, my facebook page, my twitter. I want to find one new medium and learn to use it well and appropriately.  I do not want to spam myself all over the internet.

6. Focus more at work. My attention span is crap and I could be more productive.  And no, don’t ask where I’m writing this post.

7. Empty and fill the dishwasher within 24 hours. Seriously. Because really.  Dishwasher!  I have no excuse for this besides sheer laziness.

8. Vacuum once a week. See above.  I even have a robot vacuum.  It’s sad really.

9. Find one more crafty thing like arm knitting that I can actually *do* I love crafty crap.  It fills my boredom time. The problem is there is so little of it that I can do with my limited dexterity.  Things like regular knitting are just far, far too painful.  Arm knitting is fun, but I imagine there are only so many infinity scarves I can make.  So one more crafty thing would be good.

10. Any day it is above -5 spend at least half an hour walking outside. For the exercise and for not being a hermit.  Seriously.  Outside is good.

0143f0b9-4637-4029-bff9-db0db6dfef8d11. Save & attend the photography workshop in Lake LouiseI’ve never been to Alberta, which I would really like to do.  Particularly Banff/Lake Louise.  Plus photography! How great is THAT? Really, really want to do this. (Image from the Fairmont Chateau Lake Louise)

12. Check in on this list once a month. Nothing helps success like active monitoring. It’s one thing to make a list at the very start of the year and not check in on it until December 31st, but I think a monthly check will provide me some accountability.

So there it is. My goals for 2014.  I feel pretty good about this list.  Wish me luck!